I tell you one thing, death has never been a joyous phenomenon to any of us as it wreaks much agony for the heart. Humanity has for longer than you may possibly envisage, burdened itself with the questions concerning the biggest threat to life; DEATH. These are the same questions it has wrestled with centuries and over and quite frankly seem to be tapping out.
Language is important. We shouldn’t sanitize it; DEATH IS THE END OF LIFE, a transitory blip and a purposeless plunge into oblivion. And we are all scared of it.
Yet it will surprise you to know that in the face of the death, confronted by the prospect of leaving for a world shrouded in obscurity, some dying men have managed to utter complete absurdities. I’ll give you ten of those.
- QUEEN ELIZABETH I; She, desperate and unprepared for a journey unescorted by royal guards bereft her grandiose luxuries of British monarchy, grabbed the physician by the sleeves and pulled him down to her bed saying “Half the British empire for six months of life” But physicians are no gods. He couldn’t even give the old lady six more minutes.
- JOHNNY ACE; A well regarded RnB star, Johnny died in 1954 during a break in one of his numerous concert sets. During the break, John was seen naughtily running around with a toy gun scaring members of his crew. When confronted about it, he pointed the toy gun to his head. His last words were “I will show you it won’t shoot”. As it turned out, the gun was real.
- DOMINIQUE BOUHOURS was a famous Frenchman known mainly for his unusually mesmerizing command over the English language. Dominique could weave words together to make a native Brit squirm. As a grammarian, he possessed a rather nasty habit of correcting the highly inaccurate oral English content of his colleague Frenchmen and teaching them right grammar usage. On his deathbed, he said “I am about to-or I am going to- die; either expression is correct”.
7.VOLTAIRE was a famous philosopher during the renaissance period. Like many philosophers who lived before and would come after him, Voltaire saddled himself with finding the origins of the universe. A great existentialist, he become one of the most popular atheist thinkers in his era. His last words? Nobody knew what gory accounts built up in the mind of this atheist while he journeyed through death but he struggled on his deathbed and screamed “the flames already?” Could he have been on the highway to hell?
- DEL CLOSE was a famous British actor known for the enormity of his wit. As a comedian, Del Close lived each day as though it was all part of a 1990 motion picture comedy in which he starred. And possessed this rare capacity to laugh the kind of laughter that infested those who were too stubborn to willingly laugh at his stand up jokes. Del on his death bed laughed that infectious laughter one last time saying “Thank God. I’m tired of being the funniest person in the room”
- EUGENE O’NEIL; Eugene was a Pulitzer Prize winner for his outstanding contribution to world literature. O’Neil was born in a room on Broadway Hotel on what is now the new Times Square. At age 65, he fell gravely ill while he was residing in a hotel in Boston. His lasts words? “I knew it, I knew it. Born in a hotel room and godammit dying in a hotel room”
- JEAN-PHILIPE RAMEAU; Rameau had a gift to compose and sing French opera music and conduct orchestra. He became a dominant figure during the French Baroque Era (musical orientation before the Classical and after the Renaissance eras). As a leading expert and theorist on French music, Rameau was a perfectionist and stayed so till death. At the final parting, he said in a feeble dying-man’s voice to a group of singers and a priest at his bedside who sung him a death song “What the devil do you mean to sing to me priest?…You are out of tune”
3. LOUISE MARIE THERESE; Marie Therese de Saint Simon was la Comtesse of Vercellis.( The Royal Countess of Vercellis). She was outright infuriated by friends and sympathizers who sobbed and lamented by her bedside about her impending death as she was very ill. To prove to them she was strong and was going to evade death, she let out a huge rip (smelly gas) to the astonishment of everyone. While the room hung in a haze of dead silence, the countess said “Good. A woman who can fart is not dead” Some last words eh?.
- DONALD O’CONNOR; O’Connor was a socialite who sung, acted and even danced. In his youth, he was a part of an elite team that was assembled to host the Academy Awards of 1954. After 78 years of living, O’Connor was finally letting go. With his family gathered around him and pressmen making a barrage of noise outside, he joked “I will like to thank the Academy for my Lifetime Achievement Award which I will eventually get” It is unfortunate. He is dead now but still hasn’t been given one.
- JAMES W RODGERS; Rodgers was an American who was found culpable of murdering a fellow American miner, Charles Merrifield in the year Ghana gained independence. The jury’s sentence was punishment by death. While he faced a firing squad, he was asked (as is the norm) if he had a last request. He said “…Yes a bulletproof vest”
Lesson learnt?
I’m guessing fate has a twisted sense of humor, aye?
…Aye.